April 5th: Faith in guides, a letter to no one in particular

Photo by Hakan Tahmaz on Pexels.com

Written with eyes mostly closed and minimal typo correction:

I miss you. I have always missed you. Maybe you are like my shadow, but if that’s true than you also control the Sun because you’re always just behind my opposite shoulder. I’m coming to accept that, perhaps, it would be easier and more trusting if I simply believed that your were just there, readily behind me and ready to serve as a guide. It makes sense that we could both spend our time more wisely than by playing hide and go seek with each other.

Though we’ve never met, I remember your mind guiding mine towards something seemingly impossible and outrageous, time and time again. To reinvent myself, to move across the country, to speak my wants, to advocate for my truth, to stick around and to lean in.

Doubt makes you evaporate like fog in the sun. Maybe this is why you seem to have gained mastery over it, or why my attempt to observe to your presence causes you to seemingly disappear.

This morning in my meditation I closed simply by spending time affirming that my interests and my skills would be directed to the life that will be best for me in the end. If I think I can’t trust my wants, the best way to manage that is to work on refining what it is that I want. Why do I think my wants are purely uninspired, or not tied to my soul’s evolution? Why do I think that wants are driven only by the ego rationale, rather than that they have the potential to align your ego identity with your soul’s desires?

We don’t need to know why I thought this, though I imagine you knew and it is only me who’s catching up. Thanks for the thoughts.